Confession time. I’m am someone who sometimes freaks out.
I wish that I was someone who finds it easy to take life in stride. But there is this fear mechanism in me. It’s like a well-worn path and it gets triggered in unsuspecting moments. Like yesterday afternoon. I was balancing the checking account and for a moment, it appeared there was less money than I thought. And the freak out started. I could feel the panic rising up from within and I threw myself into the task of trying to come up something I can offer NOW that will create the cash flow needed to stretch out the month. And then the angels said, “Check your math…” They’re smart like that, my angels. Sure enough a number was out of place and the crisis evaporated as quickly as it arrived.
But my heart continued beating a bit faster and there was extra adrenaline in my system for another hour or so that made me feel nervous.
I have a dear friend who is a healer and Reiki master. She doesn’t have a web site and I’m not even sure she has email. She asks God for the right and perfect number of clients to come forward. She is busy when she needs to be and her business slows when she needs time to go within. And she is in total trust with the process. I totally marvel at the way she surfs the ups and downs of life and I long to be more like her. She’s a wonderful teacher and mirror of living with grace.
I think I must have had a bunch of lifetimes filled with lack – because when I’m in flow, I totally good to go. I have faith overflowing and I know things are going to be glorious. But when things slow or the coffers feel a bit thin I freak out. Not as badly as I used to – I mean I used to have gold-medal-worthy fear. Thankfully over the years the intensity of my experience has gentled, but it is still there. And I wish it wasn’t. I’m totally ready to let this piece go.
The angels and God know this about me, though, and they take every opportunity to remind me that everything is OK and I’ll be taken care of through grace. The truth is, this has been my experience throughout my life.
…and I know, that until I let the lack part of my story go, it will continue to rise up on path just to test me.
It’s uncomfortable. But every time I’m triggered and then the veil of fear lifts, I am reminded that I am being cared for.
“Maya” is a Sanskrit word for “illusion” – it speaks to the illusions cast upon the world. They are not real, we just perceive them as such. When maya lifts, the truth is revealed. Yesterday I danced with the maya. For a few short moments I thought I was in trouble. Then without changing a thing, the veil lifted and all was well in my world. It’s a great reminder for me to be more mindful of the stories I tell about my world. Maya is powerful and the world will bend its shape to accommodate our beliefs.